This is the day we got to see his eyes open for the first time. We were so happy. One of the hardest things is the inability to comfort him and I have wondered about whether or not he knew we were there with him, which I want for him so much. At least when he opened his eyes he could see us. It was a relief and a really happy moment just to be able to see him and have him see us.
They wanted to just be able to let Esa rest and start to heal and recover from surgery. When we first came in in the morning we thought he had the hiccups, but he ended up having them all day long. Every time I would come back from pumping or eating I would hope they would be gone, but he continued to have spasms in his chest and belly every 10-30 seconds. They had several doctors and nurses come in to look, but no one could figure out what was going on or why he was having them, just that they weren't hiccups. One doctor thought that it might be because his chest was still open and that it might be bothering him. Another thought that he might be trying to breathe against the ventilator. Everyone said it wasn't something to worry about because he seemed to tolerate them well and everything else looked good. By the end of the day, however, they were definitely bothering him so they were talking about putting him on a sedative. He was basically awake the whole day and by the end of it he was really agitated, moving a lot and crying (so sad to see a baby cry without making any noise) every time he would have a spasm.
Art went home that night to be with the boys, who had been staying with our good friends for the day. The boys were exhausted from being moved around and not having any real schedule, so we felt like Art should be with them and hopefully help have a little normalcy back in their lives.
Just after he left they gave Esa the sedative. I felt bummed that they had to, but after they did he was so much more comfortable.
I stayed up way too late just sitting with him, but I was able to stay in a sleep room again and get some sleep.
Seeing your sweet baby in pain or discomfort but not being able to comfort him like you want to must be so hard. I am so glad that they let you all be near him so much. I'm certain that he can feel your love for him. This picture of him is amazing. He looks like a fighter.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing all of this so we can keep you in our prayers. We are praying for you and your sweet Esa.
ReplyDeleteNaomi, I am keeping you all in my prayers. Only wish we could do more. You are a strong, loving couple & Esa will feel that.
ReplyDeleteEsa is so lucky to have you and Art. I believe he knows you're there and is comforted by your presence, you are already the best mother to him you could ever be and I'm sure he can feel the love you have for him. Call me if you need anything! xoxo
ReplyDeleteThank you for your updates Naomi. Sending lots of love your way....
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