Day Six

I spent the day at home and got caught up on house stuff, laundry and dishes and just general things. One of my friends came over and cleaned up a bit after Esa was born, which was a life saver because we left in a hurry. I know that there was uncovered ravioli in the fridge that I tossed in on our way out, the table hadn't been washed or the floor swept, there were toys where the boys had been playing, everything was a huge mess. It was nice to come home to a relatively clean house after everything. I had a pretty normal day with boys, which was really nice. The boys came and snuggled with me in the morning, then we had breakfast and washed the dishes together. We went to library to return some things and get the boys some new books and shows. We left from the library to go up to the hospital to visit and so that I could switch with Art.

When I got there I was shocked at how badly Esa was swollen. His chest and belly had been swollen the day before, but today his poor face was soooo swollen. His ears were like little caves because his head had swollen right up around them. It was crazy. It also made it obvious that he was losing weight in the rest of his body. His legs and arms were so tiny. He was also still having the spasms in his chest, but he seemed to be resting more peacefully. He was on a lot of sedatives and pain medication. A couple of things that seemed to comfort him really well. Firstly we'd put a burp diaper on the top of his head, like a little tent. I think the weight of it and that it shaded him from light were comforting to him. Also I would put my hand on his head and rub his forehead and it would calm him down really well.

The biggest thing they were worried about that day was his swelling. They gave him a few different diaretics to help him pee and try to get him to lose all of the extra fluid.
While I was sitting with Esa there were two code blues (which means that a baby has turned blue), which was really nerve racking. I hadn't heard anything like that before, but they had two in that one day.

I can't remember now when they took out two of the tubes draining his chest, but they were gone by now.

That night I was able to get a sleep room but, there was a family in the waiting room outside crying because their baby had lost all brain activity and they were told to say goodbye. It was terrible. If you have ever experienced that loss or have been with someone else when they've had that kind of news, then you'll know what it sounded like. I felt terrible and was trying to think of something to do to help them, but I couldn't think of anything. I just laid in bed until sometime in the early a.m. when it quieted down and I was able to get a few hours of sleep.